Musings on an Early Morning Swim

5:30 a.m. Tuesday

I read yesterday that a writer writes, not to communicate what he thinks, but to become aware of what he thinks. This is true and one of the reasons I need to write.

It is 5:30 a.m. and I do not want to go swimming. Instead, I want to nurse my foot, feel sorry for myself and drink coffee. I want to read about the news of the world, feeling self-righteous in my thoughts and feel fulfilled like only Monday morning quarterbacks can.

I have to go swimming this morning. If I don't, I won't go at all today. And I have a perfect excuse for it. My foot.

O.k. I've had two cups of coffee. Now I'm working on the third and two pieces of toast. All I have to do now is grab my suit and I'm out of here.

Half a toast eaten.

Got my swim bag. Need more coffee.

One shoe on, one to go. Drink more coffee.

Almost there. See ya!

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

~Later~

I'm arriving at the pool when I realise I left my towel...again. People are going to think that I like to put on my clothes when I'm sopping wet, I forget my towel that often. Sometimes I forget my bra. Once I forgot my undies!

The pool is quite crowded. I'm astonished. There are about 30 people there. I see a bike with a familiar water bottle and wonder who is here from the club. I'm so glad I'm not alone. I love company.

I am not feeling 100% as I stumble into the locker room, undress, dress, out the door with my swim bag. Unbeknownst to me, I left my purse in the locker room. I won't find this out until I am finished. Lucky nothing happens to it. We are all bleary-eyed and crazy to be out at this time in the morning on a weekday.

I jump into the pool. It's Elissa there. Probably there are others. At one point I see the grey & white PTC swim budgies. I am too worn out to look up. After I see Elissa, I don't care anymore. I swim 4 x 100 w/u but it is difficult. My heart is beating too fast on the warm up. I am getting sick. I can tell. I'm out of my faithful antioxidant that we've dubbed The Magic Bullet. It has kept us healthy all year. I finished 3/4 of the session until I have to get out due to time.

I have 102 days until the race. My trainer, Jodie, is now talking about walking the 10 k. I'm discouraged. I miss running. I do too much then suffer for it. I know I can keep swimming, keep cycling, but it's not the same. My ego is involved now. I want to say I've done it.

I see myself write these thoughts and I know I am headed for a danger zone. This is how people begin to look towards half IronMan races. Each race is not enough. What will I do when I'm no longer racing? How will I find this camaraderie? I will manage. I'm not the addict I used to be.